Sunday, November 8, 2015

Why We Fear Honesty by Julia Austin

Life would be so much easier if everyone just said what was on their mind. It could be more painful, but we would get things done quicker and get to the bottom of things sooner. Instead, we put tons of energy into finding a more polite way to say everything--into not offending people and keeping up a certain image. And while it's sweet to consider the feelings of others when we talk, some honesty goes down the drain when we don't just speak our mind.



So, why don't we? Why do we make it seem like we want want someone else wants when we don't? Why do we pretend we are not offended when we are? Or that something makes us happy when it doesn't? Here are a few reasons:


Fear of rejection:
If you have a drastically different opinion on something important than most of your friends, or even if you just hate doing something that your friends always do, it can be difficult to tell them. Why? Because humans are terrified of feeling alone. They fear that being alone will feel worse than being surrounded by people who you do not agree with. But, once you break through and just say "I don't feel the same way as you" and realize that that person will reject you and that's okay, you can forever after that just stick to saying what you mean. This way, at the end of the day, the people who stick around will be those who are like minded. And ones who you enjoy being around much more than the previous group.


Fear of not being understood:
There are times when we just don't care what someone thinks of us;We just don't believe they'll be worth the effort of explaining anything to. If you have something you are truly passionate about, it takes energy out of you to tell people about it. You feel you give a little piece of yourself away each time you let yourself get worked up and go off on a tangent about that thing you are passionate about. So, when you're talking to someone who you know will not appreciate it or will not fully understand it, you do not communicate at all.


Fear of sounding strange:
It can be as simple as fearing that when we speak, we sound strange. Perhaps you have an accent, or your voice has odd pitches, or your vocabulary is poor. I watched a movie today in which an attractive young singer was telling a voice couch about a tough time he went through when he hesitated to express emotions ever. And I thought "this guy is so cute! What does he have to worry about being judged for?But he told that it was only once he had suffered an injury to his vocal chords, and he never knew what kind of noise would come out when he talked. The fear of coming off as weird-sounding can be a deeply embedded one. Luckily, the young man in the video fixed the issue through his lessons with this instructor.


Julia Austin is a healthy living, travel and dating writer. Her articles on everything from skinny cocktails to online dating stories and even how to improve one's voice have been featured on dozens of articles.

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