“Codependency No More” Book Extract

Codependency Patterns: Think they are responsible for other people, for other peoples feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, once, needs, well-being, lack of well-being, and ultimate destiny. Feel anxiety, pity, and guilt, when other people have a problem. Feel compelled to help a person solve a problem, such as giving unwanted advice, giving suggestions, or fixing feelings. Fear when the help isn’t effective. Anticipate other peoples needs. Wonder why others don’t do the same for them. Find themselves saying yes when they mean no, doing things they don’t really want to be doing, doing more than their fair share, and doing things other people are capable of doing for themselves. 

Not knowing what they want or need or, if they do, tell themselves what they want and need is not important. Trying to please others instead of themselves. Find it easier to feel and express anger about injustice done to others, rather than injustice has done to themselves. Feel safe when giving. Feel insecure and guilty  Feel safe when giving, feeling insecure and guilty when someone gives to them. Feel sad because they spend the whole lives giving to other people and nobody gives to them. 

Drew Ryder

Passion and Motivation: In this month’s article I thought we could explore passion and motivation, as I consider that they go together hand in hand as it were.  Let’s first look at passion.  What exactly is passion?  Passion is, as described in the Oxford English Dictionary, amongst other things, (that is to say, leaving sex out of the equation!), as a strongly felt emotion or a strong enthusiasm for something, or, the object of an intense desire or enthusiasm: some of you might choose football as this desire, or dancing, or food.

When you are passionate about something it is easy to get excited about it and this often inspires you to do something about the passion.  In other words to feel motivated in to doing something – it may well be going to watch or even play a game of football, to dance or to cook. People can be passionate about all sorts of things, what ‘floats my boat’ may not necessarily float yours.  If you have a deep desire about something then that desire or passion alone, may well be enough to motivate you.  What if it isn’t?  Or what if there is something you need to do for instance, like lose weight for health reasons, some area where there is little or no passion.  How can we get motivated?

Rolfing

 Dr Ida Rolf founded a new method of treating the structure of the body, especially where there are postural problems, causing pain and discomfort. These can be eased and relieved. Her method, known as 'Rolfing' is also known as 'Structural Integration'. 

 

John O'Donoghue

Who was John O'Donoghue?

"When you cease to fear your solitude, a new creativity awakens in you. Your forgotten or neglected wealth begins to reveal itself. You come home to yourself and learn to rest within. Thoughts are our inner senses. Infused with silence and solitude, they bring out the mystery of inner landscape."

- Anam Cara, p. 17

By Karen Tate

My gateway into Goddess Spirituality was via the teachings of Dianic women immersed in Women's Mysteries and Goddess herstory.  I owe them a debt of gratitude for introducing me to Goddess but this relationship wasn’t without many challenges. Like a “cafeteria catholic” moving down the food line of spiritual beliefs, choosing what ideas resonated with me, I put some of their ideas on my tray of life and rejected others leaving them to dry out on the sterno.

I was interested in a Feminine Face of God and not a male God so much. Christianity and patriarchy turned me off to institutional  man-made dogma, religion and Jesus for a long time. For me, the male God could be a consort of Goddess, perhaps her equal, provided she maintained her full autonomy and authority. Think of the Super Couple of Isis and Osiris for example. The feminist aspects of Dianics also appealed to me. Coming from a lower-middle-class family, growing up without a lot, I understood the importance of feminism to lift us all up to achieve equality. So the female empowerment aspect, the primary deity as female, feminism and herstory were really attractive concepts of Dianic Spirituality.

What I had real problems with among Dianics was the female superiority, lack of inclusion and the idea for many that Goddess Spirituality was based on a woman’s body and cycles.  And so many women I knew, hetero and lesbian alike, could have cared less if men dropped off the face of the earth - as if parthogenesis (conceiving without male sperm) was still a thing. Today it seems within the ranks of Dianics discrimination falls perhaps less on men and more heavily on trans people because of the Right-Wing theocratic Heritage Foundation propaganda against people questioning their sex/gender and the fear mongering about the erasure of women. But that's a topic for another newsletter.

Rainer Maria Rilke

Who was Rainer Maria Rilke?

Lived 1875-1926, Rilke was an Austrian traveller, poet and mystical prose writer. Conscripted into service in WWI, he experienced depression as he was not psychologically suited to the military. He was an only child with a dominating and extreme Catholic mother who dressed him in girl's clothing, made him kiss the wounds of Christ's statue, and told he must never complaint when he was in pain or distress. This behaviour might have influenced his later strong dislike of Catholicism. In one poem, he describes Jesus as having been married to Mary Magdalene - an early concept which has now found interest in the modern day. 

Richard Rohr

Who is Richard Rohr?

Born 1943, Richard Rohr is a Franciscan friar and spiritual author living in New Mexico. He is the Founder of the New Jerusalem Community which is a grass roots community that provides equality for men and women and supports LGBTQ rights and campaigns for a new orthodoxy that is different from the top down Vatican line. 

Do You Have Allure?

The allure of mystery is a fascinating phenomenon that captures our imagination and arouses our interest. At its core, the enigmatic quality of a person can be deeply appealing, and there’s psychology at play that helps explain why we are drawn to these individuals.

One of the key factors is unpredictability. When we encounter characters, be it in novels, films, or real life, who keep us guessing, it ignites a sense of excitement and curiosity. Much like a gripping mystery novel, where each page holds potential surprises, a mysterious person seems to promise an unfolding story that captivates our attention. We find ourselves wanting to turn the next page, eager to discover what lies beneath the surface of their persona.

Requiems - Poetry Choice

Requiems by Christina Rossetti 

When I am dead, my dearest,

Sing no sad songs for me;
Plant thou no roses at my head,
Nor shady cypress tree:
Be the green grass above me
With showers and dewdrops wet;
And if thou wilt, remember,
And if thou wilt, forget.

I shall not see the shadows,
I shall not feel the rain;
I shall not hear the nightingale
Sing on, as if in pain:
And dreaming through the twilight
That doth not rise nor set,
Haply I may remember,
And haply may forget.